love conquered h8.... at a state level

I'm very happy about Prop 8 being overturned by Judge Walker. I really hope that the stay is lifted soon and gay and lesbian couples can finally express their love again in California. However, I am far more interested in how this ruling may change things for those of us outside of California. Because both the proponents and opponents of Prop 8 have vowed to appeal regardless of the decision made at any level, I have a lot of faith that ultimately this case will be heard by the U.S. supreme court, regardless of how the District Court rules. If the U.S. Supreme court rules that prop 8 is in fact unconstitutional, than it will mean it is unconstitutional for gays to be denied a marriage license in any state. That includes Utah, and other states where a religious majority or other factor would ultimately prevent marriage equality for many years to come. I have faith that the LDS church, as well as many of the other religions who backed prop 8 so strongly will probably ultimately soften on the issue and that eventually gay marriage would be legalised here anyways, But this would definitely Accelerate the process.

I am sure that many people would disagree with me saying that I think the LDS Church will eventually soften on the issue of gay marriage (and gays in general), but one look into the history will show you they have softened on many other issues, as most of Christianity has. It was not that long ago that Gays were undergoing shock therapy at BYU for their sexual orientation, and even the ban on "celibate" gays was only lifted a few years ago.

Another aspect of this debate that many Mormons seem to forget about is the LDS church's historical view on Inter-racial marriage. Let me start out by saying that I am not in any way trying to compare the gay rights movement to the civil rights movement of the past. What I am comparing, is that the LDS church changes its views, even on the topic of marriage equality.

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God is death on the spot. This will always be so. The Nations of the earth have transgressed every law that God has given, they have changed the ordinances and broken every covenant made with the fathers, and they are like a hungry man that dreameth that he eateth, and he awaketh and behond he is empty" Journal of Discourses 10:109 P.110, Brigham Young, March 8, 1863

These are words spoken by the then prophet, Brigham Young, at General Conference. The LDS church's views have obviously changed on this subject. I am not trying to accuse current LDS members of racism. I have some very good friends who are still LDS, and I know more than one who believes gay marriage should be legal. I also have no doubt that most of them believe I was born with my sexual orientation, and that they love me unconditionally. The views of the members of a church do not have to reflect the views of the leadership, and vice versa. Catholics still sometimes prevent marriages within their churches when they fear they can not be consummated (if the man is paralysed), but I am sure there are many members who disagree with this practice. One look into the past of catholic church will show that they have caused enormous amounts of damage by speaking on topics that they obviously know little to nothing about.

So to be completely honest, I really do think that eventually, these churches will soften to the idea of Marriage equality. I also have very little doubt that the LDS church will do it much quicker than the Catholics. This case, however could jump start that process. Essentially, we may have marriage equality now, and approval from religion later, instead of letting the moral disapproval of religion decide who we can marry right now, and gaining marriage equality with their acceptance later. The same way that Marriage equality was achieved for inter-racial couples. Because lets face it- there is no legitimate secular reason to deny gays the right to marry. The ads which got prop 8 passed in the first place, were based on lies, and meant to scare people. These ads were made by the National Organization for Marriage. NOM is backed and funded mostly by religion, specifically the LDS and Catholic churches and their members. Much of the campaigning was done by religious individuals, who want to impose their own private moral standards upon other individuals, while showing no compelling evidence for doing so. I don't think, however, they anticipated just how tired so many of us are of being trampled upon. We stood up, and with love and truth, conquered H8. We sure as hell haven't won the war, but we one the first battle, and we did so with honour and integrity, something noticeably lacking over at NOM.

I will not go any further with my thoughts on this issue, as it's getting late and I'm sure what I've written already is very fragmented and confusing anyway. However, I'd like to leave you readers with some pictures from our Decision Day celebration Rally at the Capitol (which was attended by roughly 600 people on a few hours notice. We marched around Temple square after hearing some amazing speakers. You'll notice that the Temple gates are closed. The Church office buildings looked like a ghost town as well. There were people peaking at us from inside the temple grounds and buildings, and it just made me smile. I hope that they are all safe, are well, and are happy. I wish no harm against them, and I am amused at their over-reaction to our little march. I hope that, peeking out at us, they saw 600 people with hearts full of love, who are banding together in the hopes that they, or their GLBT friends and family may receive the same relationship validation as straights. Because that is all we were.

To all of you that took part in, wanted to take part in, or supported this rally, Please feel free to use the pictures below for your facebooks and blogs. Just link back here (and let me know so I can add you on FB or view your blog!), and I won't have any issue with it as long as they are non-commercial uses!
























So I will leave it at at that

with Love and respect for all,

Goodnight my friends and foes alike.

The Distance between sunrise and Sunset- We have so much further to travel

The image above was taken on the hiking trail which winds its way up Battle Creek Canyon. This canyon is in Pleasant Grove, Utah, which happens to be where I have lived for the past 18 years. This trail is an amazingly beautiful place, and rivals any of the other hiking trails nearby. This tree is about 50 feet from the first set of falls where everyone goes. If you continue up the trail a bit further, staying next to the gorgeous river, you pass a bridge, and eventually a set of falls which are much larger and even more beautiful. Those of you who know me, or even just know my photography, know that this is one of my Favourite places to visit, it's gorgeous. This picture, and some others I will include randomly through out this post, were taken on the evening of July 17th, 2010. This was little more than 24 hours before Todd Ransom, a beautiful and amazing man took his life at these same falls. He happened to be gay, and also happened to come from a Mormon past.

I never knew him personally, but have spent the last few days immersed inside of his life, reading blog posts about him, and hearing first hand accounts of an amazing man. He apparently enjoyed hiking and dancing, he volunteered for several organizations, and he wanted equality for all human beings, regardless of their differences. I know that a lot of people loved him, and he was an amazing son, brother, uncle, husband, and friend. I have seen that in the twenty eight years of his life he impacted an astounding amount of people, and after his death he has impacted even more who never had the chance to meet him.



A lot of people have said that they don't know why todd took his life. Maybe these people don't know what his last words were, Or maybe those last words were falsely reported; but I have a hard time believing they were. I think that at some point, the words which may offend some, got cut off. I think that his last words speak for themselves, and make his reasoning for taking his own life perfectly clear.

“Sunrise- accept this final offering- sunrise.” When will 'faith' wake up to love and not hate? - Todd Ransom



I can assume a lot more. I can guess that he was in an incredible amount of pain. I will not go as far as to blame the LDS church or anyone organization or individual for his death. I think that it was probably a combination of factors, but I think that the lack of true and complete support for GLBT individuals within the LDS church, and the involvement of it and the Catholics in Proposition 8, contributed to his death greatly. I think that these actions, words, and events have contributed to countless deaths amongst current or former members of the LDS and catholic churches, as well as several outside of them. Aside from Todd, there have been two gay Mormon suicides in the last three weeks. I also know from my own personal experiences, that many of us walk to the precipice of suicide and barely have the strength to walk away. There is only a fine line separating many of us from life and death at one point in our lives. Undoubtedly many more people, as well as some of us who have walked away at one time will cross this precipice in the future, and take our own lives or attempt to, unless drastic action is taken to prevent this from happening.

I Have set up a temporary memorial at the falls for Todd, until we can get a more permanent one put up (it's at the falls, trail head at the top of 200S in Pleasant Grove, Utah). Last night several amazing people also organized a candle light vigil in memory of him, which was beautiful. What affected me most however, was after I brought up the fact that I arrived late and didn't get to share the box of candles I had brought with anyone as intended, my friend turned to me and said, “Keep the candles... we'll need them again soon”.



That's sad to me. Incredibly sad to me, Because what he said is absolutely true. We will. Unless changes are made, and gays are not treated like they are Sick; like they need to be cured. Until “reparative therapy” Disappears from this world completely. Until none of us have to hear faggot, fairy, queer, a dyke, a tranny, or any of the other words and phrases we have thrown at us with the worst intentions behind them. Until we live with individuals who love us as much as we love them, Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals will continue to take their own lives rather than face a life of bigotry and intolerance. Unless these changes are made, we will still have hate crimes. We will still have people who are injured or killed because of the sexual orientation or gender identity of themelves or those who they love.





I have heard several stories of people coming from an LDS past who attempted suicide and failed. Perfectly normal, amazing people who had grown up being taught that god loved everyone, but he loved some people a little bit less. Most of them only had two options: leave the church, or pretend they were someone they were not. They decided that they could do neither; caught between the religion they had believed all their life, and their feelings of love for the same gender. They needed to escape, and most turned to suicide, self-injury, or drugs to do this.




The truth? I am invested personally in Todd's Story more than most, and there are reasons behind that. I thankfully came out on my 19^th Birthday to only a few negative responses, and a lot of positive responses I didn't expect. I intended to come out much later than this, but after becoming involved with the amazing group of people up at USU in the GSA (L.I.F.E), GLBTA office, and SHAFT and seeing people who were out and free- I couldn't hold it anymore. Out to some, but not to all, I was living a double life, and was terrified of losing everything I had. I stopped going to class, stopped eating, and ended up slashing my arm repeatedly with a razor blade. I finally realized that holding this inside had tried to kill me several times in the past, and It would if I didn't let it out, so I did.




For years I had my own suicide planned out. Pure beauty is so hard to find in humanity sometimes, and I had made the decision that if I was going to die, I would die surrounded by Beauty. I've mentioned previously that I visit the battle creek trail quite often- at least a couple times a week in fact. Most people don't realize, however, that for over a year I took some type of instrument which I could use to take my own life up on those hikes. Most people don't realize that I would sit at the top of the waterfalls and stroke a razor blade hidden in my pocket. Most people don't realize that there were some days where the only thing that stopped me was the presence of people at those same falls. I have only found complete peace and acceptance in nature, and I understand completely why Todd chose this particular location. I am deeply saddened by his death, but also happy that he was able to die surrounded by beauty as I desired for so long. This is where I feel unity with him so much more so than any of the other suicides; recent or not.

Now I don't go up there with the same intentions, but I still continue to go up there because it's so beautiful, and because nature doesn't care about who I am or who I love. A few days before his death, I quickly typed up the following while I was sitting at the bridge on the trail with my feet in the water thinking.

“I baptized myself in the river today
Let the cold water run over my face
and realized nature is the only god I need
It embraces me completely
Without question or accusation
Of either of us being anything but who we are”



I will forever be reminded of his death because of it's location, it will stand out in my mind more than any one elses. Some people look at this as a bad thing. I don't, because every time I visit the falls I will be reminded of this wonderful, Beautiful, Caring man who loved people so unconditionally, and how he wanted that type of love for everyone regardless of who they were. I will be reminded of how society doesn't always align with these views, and how I have felt the same hopelessness as him. I will also be reminded of how if things had been minutely different, I would not be here today. Visiting these falls will also remind me about how much further our society needs to go to truly accept our GLBTQ members. The thing which scares me the most is the fact that I am sure there are many GLB individuals who commit suicide, but who never come out, so no one understands why. I think this applies even more so to Transgender, Gender-queer, and Gender variant people who find even less acceptance in our society, sometimes even amongst our GLB community, which is sickening to me. Homophobia, Biphobia, and transphobia will probably not ever be eliminated, but are currently far to prevalent in our society, the latter two are also far too prevalent amongst the communities which should support them.

You can make any argument that you want to to try and justify their deaths, and those who have attempted and thankfully failed, but if you feel compelled to do this, Talk to someone who is GLBT. Ask them what it's like to live in a world you don't feel was made for you. Ask them what it's like to live in an environment where people claim they love you but brutalize you with their actions and words. Ask them what it's like to know that there is a risk of being injured or killed just by admitting that they are who they are. Ask them what it's like to know that 3 year old Ronnie Paris was killed by the man who was supposed to raise him because “he didn't want him to be gay”. Ask them what it's like to watch Friends and family members desert them because of who they love, or because their gender doesn't match what's between their legs. Before you try to justify reparative therapy, talk to some of the people who have experienced the aversion therapy that the LDS church and other organizations have promoted in the past. Before you try and justify the deaths of these beautiful people; walk down the streets of any major city and ask the homeless youth there why they were kicked out of their homes. Before you try and defend the actions of the religious organizations which are homophobic, consider the things that they have done. Consider some of the emotional and physical Violence that the LDS church has inflicted upon the GLBT community, and NEVER apologized for. Consider the same for the Catholic church. Consider the fact that many of these religions draw their reasoning from Sodom. Consider that sodomy is any sexual act but sex between a married male and female in the missionary position. Before you judge us, take a look into your own heart and wonder why you believe what you believe. Wonder why you may choose to encourage the chapters of the bible which seem to imply homosexuality and transgenderism are awful things, while disregarding those which forbid divorce, allow slavery, or promote violence and murder. Even if you believe in the bible or another holy book, it doesn't mean that you have to believe everything within it. It was written very long ago, and reflects the traditional views of the time, but that doesn't mean that all of it has to be considered holy.

I have enough tolerance and love to go around to anyone who I happen to come into contact with my life. I have friends which come from nearly every faith, race, sexuality, gender identity-the list goes on. However, I'm done silencing myself when intolerance presents itself because I fear being called intolerant myself. I hope that those of you who are reading this and are LDS or Catholic, I don't have anything against you directly. I just disagree with some of the actions of these churches, and feel that undeniably, they are hurting people, and are homophobic. I also think that just because you believe what they believe, doesn't mean you have to associate yourself with the mainstream church. If you disagree, please, message me so that I may better explain my position.



Anyone who is reading this and feels like your alone, for any of you suffering in silence, whether you're considering suicide or not, Please feel free to contact me. I am willing to provide a non-judgemental, open listening environment for any one who needs it, and I will do my best to help you. Anything you say to me will also remain between us, and I will NEVER do anything to out you. Email me at Tearsfortrust@gmail.com . I love all people, and celebrate the diversity amongst my fellow human beings. To all others, please.. please...please... do the same. Love people unconditionally- Give them a place to go. Lets not have another suicide this month, and lets try our best to prevent them period.

I hope all of those who have taken their own life, or had their life taken from them by others are at peace now. None of you deserved this.

And more specifically

Rest in Peace Todd,

I know I never knew you while you were living, but I feel incredibly close to you and your amazing group of friends and family. I do not know if there is an afterlife, but I hope wherever you are, you are no longer in pain.

To all of my supportive friends and family, especially those of you who have consistently remained in contact with me despite how busy or distracted you were, Thank you so much. I owe you all more than I can ever give you, because without you, I don't know where I would be.

Thank you also to the USU GLBTA office, L.I.F.E., USU SHAFT and the amazing people who run these organizations and take part in them. You guys are awesome, and I don't think you realize how much of an impact you have had on my life.

Sunrise
Accept this beautiful boy,
I know there will be more but-
Can't we just let this sunset be
the ending of today,
we need a new tomorrow,
where love reigns supreme
Sunset-
I ask
I beg
Bring us peace

With love and respect for all of you,

Riley Heiner

I remember...

I wish...

Why can't you...

It's like holding a funeral for someone who is not only still alive, but more alive than ever. I guess it's something most people deal with when they come out, because people don't seem to realize that once someone comes out, it doesn't drastically change who they are in the long run. If people would realize this, Life would be a lot better for GLBT Individuals and their Allies.

“Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.” ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998

The GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education network) Holds an event every year called the Day of silence. Today (April 16, 2009) is this day. It is a day where GLBTA individuals bring light to the pain of those who have been victims of hate crimes, or those who suffer in silence and are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation. These individuals (often students) participate in various ways, usually being silent to some level during the day.

“84% of GLBT Students expirience some form of harassment, and more than 30% of these students report missing a day of school in the last month in fear of their own personal safety.” -GLSEN

Faggot, Dyke, Queer, Homo, and several other Homophobic, Biphobic, or Transphobic words are said, even screamed in schools across the world. Few of the people saying them realize the significance behind the words that they say. These words carry with them Decades of abuse that still continues today, though thankfully not as frequently in the United States at least. There was a time not so long ago where it was ILLEGAL to be gay in any state, and that the murder of GLBT individuals was rarely prosecuted. Still, today... GLBT kids have to hear these words every day of their school experience. Why should being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender be an insult? Anti-GLBT bullying is a serious problem across the World, and in recent years has contributed to several Murders, and countless beatings and suicides.

“write me down like this, say my ashes never made the news

say the jury was full of shot guns,

and the snow that fell on the tip of your tongue refused to melt away

say this, to the kids hiding their heartbeats from their fathers fists

I planted the garden of my kiss

I opened the night with my teeth

I loved so loud that when they press their ear to track,

the train they hear coming will still be my chest” -Andrea gibson

Matthew Shepard, Lawrence King, Brandon Teena, Ryan Skipper, Sean Kennedy, Phillip Walsted, Michael Sandy, Gwen Araujo, Talib Stewert, Pvt. Barry T. Winchell, Satender Singh, jorge Steven López, Simmie Williams jr., Daniel Yakovleff, Aldophus Simmons, Scotty Joe Weaver, Nireah Johnson Jason Gage, Scott Amedure, Amancio Corrales, and Ronnie paris are just a few of the people to be Murdered because of their Real or Imagined Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, or for loving someone who was Transgendered.

The last Name on that list, Ronnie Parison, was only three.

Three years old, and he was beaten mercilessly by his own father because he feared his son would grow up to be gay.

People should realize, that this isn't something 'isolated', this isn't something that is small. This is something which affects you or at the very least someone near you, no matter how small your town. There are GLBT individuals everywhere. Even in the Anti-Gay WBC church, even at America Forever, and NOM. Often, in areas where gays are not as accepted (such as Utah), they do not come out until many of their years have been spent trying to be straight. Few come out during high school in Utah. It's taboo to discuss here, which is sad. When someone comes out, people all too often respond like someone has died. Sometimes they offer “treatment” Or expect you to Abstain from acting on what you feel. Ultimately, this should be a personal decision... Not a decision that is made for you.

“GLBT youth are 2-6 times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers” - U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

I remember how many times I hated myself for having “gay” thoughts. I remember how I believed everyone around me, Believe at one point that I could be straight if I only Tried. After years of trying to be straight, I finally realized that the “cure” didn't work, at least for me. This was only discovered after years of deep depression, Suicide Attempts, Abuse of Drugs and alcohol, and trying my damndest to throw everything into a pit, light it on fire and watch it burn. I didn't feel I deserved happiness because everyone told me I was wrong. It's something I still struggle with today. I'm thankfull that I survived that stage of my life, but the sad thing is... Many Don't.

“26% of gay and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of issues pertaining to their sexual orientation” - U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

While going through this stage of my life, I saw many doing the same. A few of them have come out since then, and I am glad to see them living their life out in the open. I hope that they find happiness. I still see people that are going through this struggle today. It hurts me to know that they are suffering because they feel that if they aren't straight, or if whats between their ears is different from whats between their legs, people won't want them anymore. I would just like to say, to anyone reading this that is in that situation. There is a group of people out there that understands and though I can not speak for them all, I can say that I love you :), and if you ever need someone to talk to... Anonymously or not, Please feel free to email me. And to those who are currently in Reparative therapy, I hope that you make it through the experience alive, and find happiness...

“Over 40% of homeless youth are Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual” - Seattle Commission on Children and Youth

And to all of my GLBT friends, their straight allies, and my own. I want to thank you. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for Surviving... Thank you for loving me and allowing yourselves to be loved. Thank you for being amazing individuals who have made my world and others, a better place.

“This is for the no becoming yes

For scars becoming breath

For saying i love you to people who will never say it to us

For scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine

For the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny

For the many beautiful things we do”- Andrea Gibson

May all of those who have Died as a result of Homophobia, Biphobia, Or Transphobia Rest in Peace.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.

Testing out My new ND filter, some unintentional sledding

So I have wanted to experiment with long exposures in the snow for quite a while. There is two waterfalls up the battle creek trail (The trailhead is located in Kiwanis Park At the very top of 200S in Pleasant Grove, Utah) that I have had decent results with in the past. It has warmed up here and I figured I would probably be able to get up the mile or so trail to get to the big waterfall, so I suggested it to a couple of friends and they expressed interest in coming along. That is how Me, Robin, and Andrea found ourselves hiking up a Very steep, and snow covered trail with absolutely no winter hiking equipment. It was...interesting

The first part was not that hard.. we slipped a little bit but we got up to the lower falls with no major issues. I snapped a couple of pictures there and we took a break for a minute to catch our breath. I mounted my 18-55 kit lens and the ND8 filter I had just bought. I got it off of ebay for around $5 and wasn't expecting miracles, but figured it would give me an idea whether or not it was worth it to look into getting a More expensive, higher quality Set of Hoya ND's. I personally Don't really like the look of the lower falls... So I didn't even bother editing any of them, because they simply were not up to my standards. We then Hiked up the much narrower and steeper trail to the Higher falls. I stopped at the bridge and got some decent pictures of the river, and then continued on. This part was by far the most difficult, as most of it was slushy. We all ended up falling down at some point.. and Robin decided it would be more efficient to just crawl up part of the way. I got up the the higher falls and me and Andrea climbed down to the bottom of them, soon to be followed by Robin. The river had a coating of Ice about a foot thick over most of it, which allowed me to stand on top of the river and set up my tripod. Unfortunately.. For the most part, the snow (even with the ND8) made getting a decent photo of the falls nearly impossible. I somewhat managed.. but did not get anything near the picture I wanted. Anyways.. So I finished up.. and we left. We got a few feet down the trail and realized that we were going to end up falling at some point. Falling with several hundred dollars of camera equipment is never a good thing.. so I did the only rational thing.

I slid down the trail on my butt.

It worked quite well actually. We did this where the trail was really steep and walked where we could. This has prompted us to decided to take a sled, as well as possibly more people (maybe Andy won't be sick next time!) up with us. Anyways.. Here are the Decent Pictures I got. All of them were taken with My Nikon D40 and the Kit Lens, using a tripod and a Shutter Remote. Enjoy!











Lastly for the day, a quick shot of Robin (left) and Andrea (Right)

Now, just for fun.. I figured I would post some of the other Long Exposures I have gotten up battle creek Trail. These are from last summer. The Girl in some of the Pictures is my Lovely Friend Tia.

















Anyways. I hope you guys Enjoyed those pictures, and the story behind them.
I have a couple of portrait shoot Ideas coming up soon.. So Keep watching for them to pop up :) By for now!

A note to all: Art Theft Is Not funny. I work hard to get the photographs that I post on this blog, and they belong to me. If You would like to use the photos, please ask my permission first, or you will come to regret it in the future. Thank you :)

The Ice Village in Midway, Utah.

So I had heard of this place from my sister and on the news, and decided it would be something that was pretty cool to photograph. The creator of this masterpiece, Brent Christensen, made a miniature ice castle in his sideyard last year, across the street from Pleasant Grove Junior High School. Everyone thought that was amazing, but I don't think any of us were ready for this years creation, which sits as if it is perfectly at home on what looks to be a golf course at the Zermatt Resort In Midway, Utah. I spent roughly 3 1/2 hours photographing this massive ice village. I do have to say that if you are going to go up, especially to photograph, you should definitely see what the village looks like after it is dark, because while it is beautiful in the daylight, it is absolutely stunning at night. There is plenty of room for a tripod, and it is set up very well for taking pictures. All of the photos below were taken with my Nikon D40 and either my Nikon-H 50mm F/2 @ F/2.8, or the 18-55mm Kit lens @ the minimum possible aperture. Special thanks to Robin, Austin, Corbin and Tia for keeping me entertained on the drive, and to Brent Christensen for spending so many hours creating such a beautiful piece of art.