I remember...
I wish...
Why can't you...
It's like holding a funeral for someone who is not only still alive, but more alive than ever. I guess it's something most people deal with when they come out, because people don't seem to realize that once someone comes out, it doesn't drastically change who they are in the long run. If people would realize this, Life would be a lot better for GLBT Individuals and their Allies.
“Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.” ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998
The GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education network) Holds an event every year called the Day of silence. Today (April 16, 2009) is this day. It is a day where GLBTA individuals bring light to the pain of those who have been victims of hate crimes, or those who suffer in silence and are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation. These individuals (often students) participate in various ways, usually being silent to some level during the day.
Faggot, Dyke, Queer, Homo, and several other Homophobic, Biphobic, or Transphobic words are said, even screamed in schools across the world. Few of the people saying them realize the significance behind the words that they say. These words carry with them Decades of abuse that still continues today, though thankfully not as frequently in the United States at least. There was a time not so long ago where it was ILLEGAL to be gay in any state, and that the murder of GLBT individuals was rarely prosecuted. Still, today... GLBT kids have to hear these words every day of their school experience. Why should being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender be an insult? Anti-GLBT bullying is a serious problem across the World, and in recent years has contributed to several Murders, and countless beatings and suicides.
“write me down like this, say my ashes never made the news
say the jury was full of shot guns,
and the snow that fell on the tip of your tongue refused to melt away
say this, to the kids hiding their heartbeats from their fathers fists
I planted the garden of my kiss
I opened the night with my teeth
I loved so loud that when they press their ear to track,
the train they hear coming will still be my chest” -Andrea gibson
Matthew Shepard, Lawrence King, Brandon Teena, Ryan Skipper, Sean Kennedy, Phillip Walsted, Michael Sandy, Gwen Araujo, Talib Stewert, Pvt. Barry T. Winchell, Satender Singh, jorge Steven López, Simmie Williams jr., Daniel Yakovleff, Aldophus Simmons, Scotty Joe Weaver, Nireah Johnson Jason Gage, Scott Amedure, Amancio Corrales, and Ronnie paris are just a few of the people to be Murdered because of their Real or Imagined Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, or for loving someone who was Transgendered.
The last Name on that list, Ronnie Parison, was only three.
Three years old, and he was beaten mercilessly by his own father because he feared his son would grow up to be gay.
People should realize, that this isn't something 'isolated', this isn't something that is small. This is something which affects you or at the very least someone near you, no matter how small your town. There are GLBT individuals everywhere. Even in the Anti-Gay WBC church, even at America Forever, and NOM. Often, in areas where gays are not as accepted (such as Utah), they do not come out until many of their years have been spent trying to be straight. Few come out during high school in Utah. It's taboo to discuss here, which is sad. When someone comes out, people all too often respond like someone has died. Sometimes they offer “treatment” Or expect you to Abstain from acting on what you feel. Ultimately, this should be a personal decision... Not a decision that is made for you.
I remember how many times I hated myself for having “gay” thoughts. I remember how I believed everyone around me, Believe at one point that I could be straight if I only Tried. After years of trying to be straight, I finally realized that the “cure” didn't work, at least for me. This was only discovered after years of deep depression, Suicide Attempts, Abuse of Drugs and alcohol, and trying my damndest to throw everything into a pit, light it on fire and watch it burn. I didn't feel I deserved happiness because everyone told me I was wrong. It's something I still struggle with today. I'm thankfull that I survived that stage of my life, but the sad thing is... Many Don't.
While going through this stage of my life, I saw many doing the same. A few of them have come out since then, and I am glad to see them living their life out in the open. I hope that they find happiness. I still see people that are going through this struggle today. It hurts me to know that they are suffering because they feel that if they aren't straight, or if whats between their ears is different from whats between their legs, people won't want them anymore. I would just like to say, to anyone reading this that is in that situation. There is a group of people out there that understands and though I can not speak for them all, I can say that I love you :), and if you ever need someone to talk to... Anonymously or not, Please feel free to email me. And to those who are currently in Reparative therapy, I hope that you make it through the experience alive, and find happiness...
